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AskMen may get paid if you click a link in this article and buy a product or service. Dinner at the restaurant was romantic, and together, you finished off a bottle of red wine. The full moon is bright. Together, you walk back to her place, touching fingertips, clasping and unclasping hands, flirting in whispers, and as you approach your building, the flirting gets heavy and a little dirty.
Rough sex is not vanilla. Gone are the tender caresses, and in their place are commands. The tone of rough sex is different than the sweet, sultry allure of a typical night. Rough sex gets physical and it can get vigorous. It can be intense because the line is there to be crossed. If this sounds interesting, then this is probably something for you. And, at the right time, with the right partner, it can a lot of fun and can bring you closer.
But in the bedroom, between consenting partnersthis is where you have a little fun with rough sex. Of course, you should always use common sense. In spite of your good intentions, the rough sex can trigger flashbacks and bad memories. There is a widespread perception that women are delicate flowers and the fairer sex, so the idea that they would tolerate or inflict — let alone want to initiate or even ask for — rough sex seems far gone.
Truth be told, women are into sex a lot more than men realize. Simple women with simple lives are a lot more rare than they used to be, so men would be wise to take this as a he-up. If they were slaying Wall Street while wearing leather and downing shots between stock trades, men might not be so surprised when these types of women want it rough. A woman wrote to me on my AskApril. We like kinky sex, but he's never been one to take charge or to be rough or anything like that. I was even disappointed he wasn't more aggressive with me….
Men love rough sex because it gives them a chance to express their dominant selves in a sexual way. They basically have permission to be aggressive and intense — feelings that they normally rein in. And they get pleasure out of watching their partners become aroused from the rough, sexual exchange. She has to be one or the other — and the man has to choose which she is so that he can know whether to treat her as one or the other, as good or bad.
Following this simple construct brings psychological and social comfort. So, when she suggests rough sex, or he suggests it and she agrees to have it, that construct and the comfort the construct brings, is overturned. All bets are off. The intimacy that the bond created by rough sex creates between a man and his partner is more than just a sexual connection. Having rough sex can be just a hot romp between the sheets, but it also serves as a validation for male feelings of self and the layered and complex feelings about a partner, and women, in general.
If she brings it up first, then Is rough sex better can skip this step. Instead, consider bringing it up next time the two of you talk about sex, or watch a suggestive film with some hot rough sex scenes in it, then ask her how she feels about the idea. Let her know it turned you on and see how she reacts. This will get the conversation going. And, even if you get a good reaction, make Is rough sex better she actually wants to do this, too. Get her consent. If she's not into it, you'll have to accept that. That being said, if she is into it, you'll need Is rough sex better agree on a safe word before engaging in any rough sex.
A safe word is a word, which when spoken, means "stop everything. Without a safe word, rough sex could be rape. Talk about it beforehand, agree on a safe word and stop as soon as you hear it. It can be useful to get comfortable beforehand and loosen up a bit. Feeling dominance and then exercising it is the basis for rough sex. Taking forcefulness to the limit is exciting for many people. She may be the natural who gets your juices flowing. Sometimes it takes her getting dominant as your catalyst to become even more dominant than she is.
Anyone with a streak of dominance in their personality can really let go and let it roll here. Tear her bra and panties off. You get the idea! This can be inspiring and a lot Is rough sex better fun. Pulling on her hair is sensual and it can be a show of force. Couple pulling her hair with some other sexual maneuver. Pull from the roots, not the ends. Try biting at the nape of her neck not hard enough to draw blood! Then work your way down — nibbling and biting as you go. Leaving your mark — whether by nibbling or more — defines rough sex from vanilla sex.
Some men love when women leave nail marks on their backs, so if that sounds good to you, ask for it. Leaving a mark is often very much a part of rough sex. Then, bend her over your knee and spank her. Or slap her, doggie style — a hallmark of rough sex. As with biting, you can also find yourself leaving a handprint on her skin through hard spanking. Get demanding. Tell her what to do. Instruct her. Get loud. Talk dirty. Your vocalizations will turn up the mood. AskMen Recommends: One aspect of rough sex for many people is control — with you having more and her having less.
One way to shift the power balance is to blindfold her — that'll give you much more power, as she won't be able to see what you're doing and will have to let you take more control of the situation. Blindfolds like this one are a great product for adding some sexy energy to your rough sex. AskMen Recommends: A fun way to amp up rough sex is to bring some bondage into it — like, say, tying your partner up, thus having total control over her limbs and positioning. If she's into the idea and, you know, check beforehanddon't just grab whatever rope you have lying around.
This silk rope is a great option to do so without giving her rope burns all over — it's strong but still very soft on the skin, and can be easily tied in complex knots, if you're into that kind of thing. AskMen Recommends: Not everyone will be into using a ball gag, but if both of you are into really rough sex this can be an intense way of shifting the power dynamic and giving you a ton of control to take charge while still figuring out a safe gesture or in case she needs you to stop.
This particular model has small holes in the balls to ensure continued airflow and features three different sizes of balls so you can find the right fit for her mouth. AskMen Recommends: If you're amping up the intensity of the sex — and especially if you're restraining your partner — you'll definitely want to ensure that she's well lubricated.
The last thing the two of you want interrupting your domination play is her having to tell you to stop because you're actually hurting her — because you didn't buy a lube or got a cheap, water-based one that's already worn off. Invest in your sex with a quality silicone-based lube like this Swiss Navy one that comes in a leak-proof bottle. Lastly, there are few things you should avoid to make this a success. First, no laughing. Humor breaks the mood. Try not to. Stay in the moment. Second, no apologizing. Keep your persona to keep the rough sex hot. Nice Guy you usually are.
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