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The internet exploded My boyfriend is way hotter than me criticism last year when Lorde posted a photo of her and her boyfriend. Then, in July, a selfie of a random couple at a wedding went viral — for the same reason. What do Lorde and an average woman have in common that caused such a stir? But while she asked it rhetorically, it begs a real answer. Why as a society are we so obsessed with couples in which one partner is ificantly attractive than the other? And why are we so intent on pointing it out?
While hotness is obviously both a shallow and a subjective attribute — especially when it comes to matters of the heart — the truth is there are couples who are "mismatched" in terms of attractiveness, and it's harder to talk about face to face than to gossip about online. So Mic asked the couples themselves: What's it like, and why do we care so much? Generally speaking, My boyfriend is way hotter than me tend to be drawn to people who are equally or more attractive than us. Lewandowski Jr.
To be crass, say you were a 7 out of 10 on the attractiveness scale. You may ask out people who are more attractive to you, but the people most likely to date you are also around a 7. Supposed "mismatches" may be more common than we're willing to admit, though. In Match. There's also truth in the saying that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. InOkCupid published data that shows that women's attractiveness rankings are often split, with women who get "1" and "2" attractiveness ratings on a five-point scale also receiving a high of "5" ratings.
So much for consensus. That's because While the most universal measure of attractiveness is a symmetrical face, there are lots of other factors at play. From your mood at the time to the color someone's wearing, "a lot of attractiveness is contextual and not set in stone," Lewandowski said. Personality plays a huge role in attraction. Take Addie, a year-old from the San Francisco area. She's been the more attractive partner in a two-year, on- and -off-again relationship, and her partner is older and overweight. We clicked the first time we hung out, and I've never had a lousy time with him.
Two studies from University of Texas at Austin have supported the idea that we become more attracted to people once we like their personality — and less attracted to hot people if they turn out to be jerks. One study of couples found that couples who were friends before they dated were much more likely to be "mismatched" physically, while those who started dating within a month of meeting tended to be equally attractive.
The second study asked college students to rate the romantic appeal of their opposite-sex classmates. While students agreed on who was most attractive at the beginning of the semester, by the end of the semester, their opinions on who were most attractive differed greatly. Personality matters — and it eventually makes the attractiveness less powerful. I must confess my boyfriend and I do recognize that he's not my fantasy of tall, dark and handsome, but he's perfect for me in every other sense. While there's nothing inherently at issue in "mismatched" relationships, problems can arise if one person believes their partner is more attractive.
Research shows that when you think your partner is of a higher 'mate value' than you are, you're more likely to be jealous. But you're also more likely to forgive that person. Megan, a year-old living in Austin, has experienced this insecurity in relationships with less attractive partners. It caused me to overthink and notice little things I wouldn't have otherwise.
Addie has also dealt with comments that have made her partner insecure and threaten the relationship. It definitely puts strain on our relationship. It also means being held to certain standards, as Chloe Sexton wrote for XoJane in You'll come under scrutiny too — people will wonder what's so amazing about you that you managed to land a boy whose looks are so superior to yours. In an ideal world, Sexton wrote, "a relationship is not a see-saw whereby the less attractive partner has to make up for it by being exemplary in some other field to be equally balanced. We don't like uncertainty, so anecdotally speaking we're harsh on the relationship because we don't understand it — even though it may be a beautiful love.
We also judge it especially when the mismatch challenges gender norms. Plenty of TV shows and movies feature fat or slobby men with supermodel wives. But when was the last time you saw a TV couple where the guy was way hotter? If a guy is unattractive and the woman is attractive, we may assume he makes a lot of money. While women are expected to look for a mate who can provide for them — financially and emotionally in addition to physically — men are expected to choose a mate based on appearance.
One study even argues that relationships are positive and more supportive when the woman is hotter than her husband. When an attractive men dates an unattractive woman, it threatens more than just our certainty in how the world works — it overturns gender roles as well. The takeaway? Unlike what apps like Tinder seem to imply, love isn't just a game of appearances.
So if you're looking for love, it's important to do more than just look. The only issue that could arise is your perception of the mismatch, which can cause insecurity. And there can be insecurity on both sides. You can be in a relationship where both people think they're the less attractive partner.
This article was originally published on Jan. By Rachel Grate. They're dating men who are seemingly less attractive than them. Yes, that's it.My boyfriend is way hotter than me
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